


Your goal, It's love

by Miok_22



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Neil Melendez Lives, Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24772540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miok_22/pseuds/Miok_22
Summary: When Shaun went down looking for Lea in that buillding, he did not expect that girl with her leg trapped would give him such a big insight about love life, he thinks Lea is eveything for him, but Shaun really loved her?. "Shaun, there is a whole of amazing people out there" she said "Your goal, it's not Lea, it's love". After both of them got out of the building Lea was there waiting for him and even when they kissed he felt different, something was not right.
Relationships: Almost Lea Dilallo/Shaun Murphy, Claire Browne & Neil Melendez, Neil Melendez/Shaun Murphy
Comments: 23
Kudos: 64





	1. After the day the earth danced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is my very first work in ao3, English is not my native tongue, so there will be grammar and maybe sentence not too elaborated. I wrote this cause I'm still mourning that finale at s3, I hope you enjoy this work, It's Neil/Shaun love story where Neil lives.

San Jose has experimented lots of bad situations, it is clearly that everything can’t just go smoothly as if it was Heaven, but natural disaster makes everyone re-think what to do in life, after that big win of rescuing Vera and his great move to have been ignored by death, Shaun really thought it was time to consider his life.

The conversation with her patient about love lots of meters below the ground makes him really appreciate the human feelings, he was not an expert on expressing them and social situations still struggle him; but that almost dying conversation gave him some things to think, then, he kissed Lea.

When he first met her, he thought she was a not so good person, she was egocentric and wild, but she was fresh air, she was change, she was someone that challenge him to try new things and he loves her, he is obsessed of making her part of his life and never let her go. Vera told him, his goal was not Lea, it was love, even though he is kissing her and her bright eyes are telling him, she is setting a new beginning with him, he is not feeling right, Vera’s words were confusing and now he does not know how to feel.

He really needed to talk about it with someone else, maybe after Vera was better he could get some answers; so he decided to head over the hospital, maybe help was needed, maybe he could find the answers he needed in the halls of the place.

When he arrived the hospital just sad faces were seen, he really did not understand why the mood was so down, clearly something worse has happened and he had no idea what it was. Shaun saw Dr. Lim leaving a room and for her looks something was wrong, then he started to feel anxious when he saw Dr. Glassman going in and out the room with dreadful look. “Who is in that room?” Shaun asked to the nurse next to him when the heartbreaking face of Claire entered that room.

“Dr. Melendez, he came here with internal bleeding and abdominal damage, all of us are really concerned, he was on surgery but there is potentially a mild form of sepsis, and his tests are not improving, he…he is dying Dr. Murphy” Those words felt like a big bucket of watery ice on his body, he just had a win and one of the person that was like a friend for him was now dying.

He reached the room and heard all the exchange of words Claire and Dr. Melendez, but those words at the end kind of made him heart clenched, “I love you, too” Definitely today was the day of talking about love, he saw the small crucifix and those bright eyes on Dr. Browne, that was the real love?, he did not know what to think, but he was sure he was not letting die Neil.

Shaun let the room quietly, they really didn’t realize his presence, he reached the room where everyone worked on a case and sat down rounded by a small mountains of books and medical journals, he stayed there around three hours finding a way to make him improve.

He has to save Neil, he cant let him go to Heaven as his rabbit and his baby brother, Neil was too important to him, no one there knew about their secret meetings, they were friends, he was not letting the people he most loved die. “Shaun, what are you doing here” Dr. Lim took him out of his mind closure.

“I… I have to save Ne-Dr. Melendez, I must save him” Shaun exclaimed with his determined blue eyes to her.

“We can’t do anything else, Dr. Glassman said we have to be there as his friends, probably he is not going to… to make it” She shivered saying those words, even her eyes watered and sadness was everything in her sight.

“No, I would not let him go, I just found this treatment, it would help him fight the sepsis and it is used with these meds to make his organs suffer less distressed” Shaun gave her the papers and with a determined look was showing her they could try another alternative “Dr. Melendez is strong, he can make it”

“No Shaun, his state would not be enough for it” Dr. Glassman arrived the room after listening the whole statement of Shaun, there was nothing more to be done and it would be worse for Neil Melendez to have a life requiring assistance if the treatment fail.

“No. No. No. No. NO, I must save Dr. Melendez” Shaun exclaimed breathing rapidly, the beginning signs of an attack were showing.

“We could talk to Neil, he is the patient, he has the right to choose” Dr. Lim said trying to calm the nerves and the probably argument that would explode in the room, while she headed to share the news to the patient.

* * *

Shaun sat next to Claire, she was dozing in her chair next to Neil’s bed, he was watching carefully at Neil’s breathing, detailing every movement of his chest, he saw his pale face and his black hair on his face, the next few hours were crucial for his treatment, when he heard the news from Claire saying that Dr. Lim has found a treatment for Neil’s condition and that he had accepted doing it, he felt relieved so when Neil got his first dose of meds and was sleeping, he sneaked next to Claire to watch him.

After a while, he felt Claire waking up from her uncomfortable sleep, it had already passed a couple of hours guarding Neil sleep and soon the next dose of meds would be administered, he stood up and the crucifix was right at his sight, Neil was holding it in his right hand, Claire was fully awake now and her conversation with Neil came to his mind, he knew something was happening between them, he did not expect that kind of feelings though so he left the room quietly; a strange feeling settle on his stomach , like when Dr. Glassman has said the treatment could kill Neil because he was not strong enough and he was giving Shaun an indignant look after Dr. Lim left the room, but Dr. Glassman didn’t understand why he was sure Neil would make it, he knew he would not let Neil go, ‘Just a miracle can save him!’ has told Dr. Glassman to Shaun when he left the room.

His phone vibrates, some messages and missed calls from Lea were on the screen when he checked it, he wanted to answer them but he had no idea what to say her, only Neil’s condition was on his mind, he walked without minding the route when he saw the hospital chapel, he head over the small chapel and he saw the crucifix, he was not a religious person, actually religion was a kind of life style full of words, prayers and faith to someone that probably doesn’t exist; he didn’t know if It was the situation or the small silver crucifix Neil was holding when he left his room but he just sat on the pew.

He did not know how much time passed, minutes or hours, he did not pray either, he just let his mind processed all the events for the last few days. He stared at the ceiling in that silent religious room when a woman entered, tears sliding her cheeks, he saw her go to the front row of pews and she mumbles pleads to save her daughter, he stared at her and observe her behavior, meanwhile his mind came back to the first time when he met Neil outside work.

> _He was leaving the hospital after a long shift of 32 hours, it was too late, and no buses were passing, some days had passed after he had broken up with Carly, her hurt voice when she told him he was different with Lea, that his mood and attention were all for here rounded his mind._
> 
> _In a normal day he would wait for the early bus to get him home, but he decided he could use that time walking to home, the streets were silent and alone, it was too early or too late for people or cars passing, the cold air of the night was caressing his cheeks, when he saw a car stopped just a little ahead to him, and someone getting out of it._
> 
> _“Dr. Murphy, why are you walking at this hour alone?” Dr. Melendez was the person that drives that car had stopped, he saw him reaching him and talking to him with genuinely curiosity, before I could answer he exclaimed “Get inside the car, I’m gonna drive you home while you answer my question”_

The woman walking out of the chapel made him come back from his memories so he also decided to leave the chapel and head back to Neil’s room but Dr. Andrews stopped him “Dr. Murphy, why are you here? You have to go home and rest, get your stuff and go home, we would let you know about Melendez condition” his voice did not let him any choice and clearly Dr. Andrews would not let him near Neil right now; the tiredness was getting his body and right now he did not have the strength to fight it and he knew that his place next to Neil was taken by her dear friend Claire.

He reached home and when he opened the door, the bright eyes of Lea were watching him while smiling, he tried to smile back but his mood was not enough to get a smile, she reached him and hugged him, he hugged her back but his mind was not with her, then she kissed him and he really tried to kiss her back and he did it, even though he really was not feeling good with the kiss. Fortunately she did not say anything when he silently left her at the door or when he took the longest shower of his entire life, but he felt his world tearing apart when the voice of Claire at the phone exclaimed “Shaun, Dr. Melendez suffered a stroke I called to let you know, come here when you can, I really need to talk to someone…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter is dedicated to ClaudiaRain, she is such a great writer and after reading her works I decided to write that fic I told her about in the comments. I hope you like it!
> 
> See you all soon


	2. The tears flowed down his face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is a new chapter, I wanted to make it a little longer, but sometimess less is best.  
> Thank you so much for your kudos and comments. I'm so happy you are enjoying these.
> 
> Once again I apologize for grammar and writing mistakes, I'm trying my best to get a good chapter.

Shaun didn’t know what to do or what to feel, his mind was totally blank, hearing Claire’s voice saying those words didn’t help him to get the peace he really was needing since the earthquake, he got the first clothes he found in his closet, fortunately his sense of organizing made this task easy, he was getting his coat to head over the hospital when the voice of someone made him realize he wasn’t alone in the apartment and the worse of everything, he knew, they had a conversation in schedule.

“Shaun, where are you going? I was hoping we could get some food… and you know, talk” He really didn’t want to talk to Lea, he knew it was important to know what was going to happen with them, but his only goal was getting St. Bonaventure as soon as possible.

“I need to go to St. Bonaventure; Dr. Melendez suffered a stroke…I … I have to make sure he is alright!” Shaun didn’t really answer her looking at her eyes, he was feeling so uncomfortable that the floor was so interesting at the moment, then, he saw her getting her coat and her keys' car, silently she led the way, probably for the better; he got at the passenger seat.

Lea was driving, words were not pronounced by either of them, he leaned on the window and all his mind could do was remembering that drive Neil gave him that night.

> _“So, Shaun, could you explain to me why you were walking home?” Dr. Melendez asked while he started the car once again, Shaun just watched him and then focused his sight on the window and the dark buildings they were passing._
> 
> _“I didn’t want to wait till the first bus appeared, and… I thought a walk would help me to focus” He answered looking at the dark eyes that were watching the route, “Dr. Melendez, when I talked to Carly and our relationship ended…I told her I loved her but also I loved Lea more, I feel sad but relieved and nervous, why?” Shaun crossed his hands trying to get comfortable talking about his feelings with his boss._
> 
> _Neil saw him fidgeting about such a complicated topic as it was love, but he only smiled at him, that smile was gentle and made Shaun feel fine, he really didn’t want to bother his boss with such personal matters, but he kind of knew that Dr. Melendez had ended a relationship with Dr. Lim that was also his co-worker, so he thought maybe his attending would share this vulnerability that both of them were suffering._
> 
> _“Well Shaun, ending a relationship is hard, you need to give time to both of people involved to heal, you need to get a closure and how you just said you are feeling relieved, I kind of think you already closed and learned from the experience; it’s time to embrace how you feel and get a new plan about what you want in your love life” Dr. Melendez explained in a pretty relaxed way “Personally talking, I’m not really looking for a relationship in the short term, after everything happened with Audrey, I’m focusing on my work, saving people and teaching to stubborn residents” he laughed and then stopped where my apartment was located._
> 
> _“Okay Shaun, you are at home, get some rest and think about what you want, not in what other people want, and if you ever need someone to talk, text me, I can spend some of my valuable time trying to fix your head” Shaun gave him a little smile and wave at him, he entered the building and heard the sound of the car leaving the place, he felt good, he thought his attending was very wise while heading his apartment to sleep._

“Shaun, we are here, I’m going to get some info at the office and then I'll meet you at Neil’s room” he got out of the car and she left before he could tell her something, he knew it was not fair for her but he really didn’t have the words right now.

He got at the hospital and reached the room where his dear attending was laying, he saw Dr. Andrews before entering the room and the look he gave him was not so happy, he was aware that he was being obstinate, he actually should be at home resting, but he probably would get crazy if he was not at Neil’s side.

Before someone could stop him he stood up in front of Neil, his still pale face and his slow breathing comfort him a little bit, but the arms of Claire hugging him were really uncomfortable, but he knew she needed, she was his dear friend and he was willing to try to comfort her.

“Sorry Shaun, I didn’t mean to… I was just so… I thought he had left… and…” His friend broke in tears, he really had no idea what to do, he was feeling as dreadful as her, he actually didn’t have an idea about what happened after the call and his daydreaming about Neil just made him shield of the probably not good news.

“Dr. Browne I recommend you go home and rest, since Dr. Murphy is not following my orders, I would really appreciate if you follow this recommendation” Dr. Andrews got inside the room and gave both of them a severe look; “he is going to be fine, the stroke didn’t cause any damage and he is stable, he just need some months of good rest but the treatment Dr. Murphy suggested to Dr. Lim was brave and now Neil Melendez would be sooner giving headaches to most of us” Claire gave Shaun a surprised look and nodded to Dr. Andrews, she got all of her things, a last look to Neil and left the room.

All the stiffness Shaun was feeling left him, he really thought the worse, but the reassuring words of Dr. Andrews gave him hope, he sat in the chair next to Neil and observe the monitors with the chart history on his bed, checking everything was fine, when he let the chart on his place he realized he was alone with his attending.

Shaun observed each line on Neil’s face and then he saw his hand and a abruptly feel to hold it grew in him, taking advantage of the solitude he hold Neil’s hand, then the sudden tears he didn’t know he was holding back flowed down his face, actually he didn’t cry a lot and he had no idea when was the last time he did it, but the relief, the sadness and the confusion of the Neil’s situation had finally shattered him.

His face was on top of the hand he was holding, clearly wet for the tears that didn’t want to stop, but he was happy too, Neil was recovering, he knew the surgeon would have the strength to do it, the little time he passed with him on their days off or getting a meal together let him know that his attending was strong and if he didn’t feel like it, Shaun would be strong for him.

A couple of hours passed with him holding the hand of his dear friend, Shaun was startled at the sound of the door opened, he didn’t know why but he let that wet hand beyond his reached, Lea was the one in front of them, he felt ashamed and he was hoping she didn’t see what he was doing, next to her Dr. Glassman was looking him with a displeased look and another nurse was there to check Neil vitals, the look on both of them clearly told him, he should let Neil’s side for a while, so with a last look of the person next to him he followed the pair to the cafeteria...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to have a new chapter soon, feelings are settling on shaun and his maybe or maybe not relationship with Lea is still there, so.... Let's see what would happen!
> 
> #StayHome


	3. He realized he was capable of loving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with a new chapter, finally some Neil/Shaun interactions, I hope you love this I enjoyed writing it!! This is a longer chapter that the ones I wrote before!

He just watched the milkshake, he was not hungry so instead of his usual pancakes, he decided for the vanilla milkshake. Both were watching him; Lea was expectant of something from him and Dr. Glassman was observing only.

“Dr. Melendez is going to be okay” Shaun said and sipped some of his beverage.

“Shaun, we have to talk about why you are not resting on your day off” Dr. Glassman started, looking at him with concern “These days have been stressful and Neil Melendez has the best care, he is only your boss, everyone here cares about him” Shaun knew what he was implying, it was another way to say that he was not close enough to be there 24/7, but he didn’t know about the time Neil comforted him or when he drove him home.

“It’s true Shaun, I’m going to check Neil and we go home to get you rest, Glassy let me get out early” Lea told him with her bright supplicant eyes about everything, she stood up and head over the route where Neil’s room was. Shaun followed her steps with eyes feeling more confused than ever, his uneasiness was too foreign for him.

“We kissed each other” Shaun started watching Aaron surprised expression “I has just left the building after getting Vera on the paramedics hands and I saw her, she confessed to me and kissed me” Shaun stayed silent looking for the words to express what he was feeling.

“I… I didn’t feel good, I kissed her back and for small moment I felt good but then I was uncomfortable, something inside me told me it was not right” Shaun gripped his hands together like looking for some comfort.

“Shaun, why do you think this happened? I remember you giving me thousands of reasons to be with her because she loved you and that was enough. What changed?” Dr. Glassman explained “Answer me Shaun, do you really love her or due to her resistance you saw her as a challenge?” then he stood next to him and patted his shoulder “Think about it and you can give her the right answer for both of you and I want to at home resting” and he left a silent Shaun trying to look for answers about what he really wanted.

Shaun sipped the last of his milkshake and once again, like the last time he arrived the hospital, he look for somewhere to hide and think, watching Lea was not really helping him, he needed to find his stability, his anchor, who was the person he used to look for advice?, the vibration on his phone stopped his line of thoughts and if it was a signal, the answer of that anchor appeared on the screen.

“Lunch at Neil’s: Shaun has to bring Vanilla Ice cream”

It was the notification of the lunch they would share that day at Neil’s home, they were supposed to cook together, he was going to help Neil with some easy French recipe found by him at the internet, and some brownies with ice cream were supposed to be their dessert… Once again, he felt something watery in his eyes. Once again, he was at the entrance of the chapel. Once again, he sat on that pew wiping those two tears from his face, he thought about Neil and what would he advice to him.

> _He had prepared such a beautiful scenery in his apartment; he did everything he had learned about confessing and he had even argued with Dr. Glassman about his feelings for Lea, his nerves were crazy but the message reassuring him and wishing good luck from Neil helped him. Neil was not really happy about all of this, he had told him that he should give himself some space and really consider everything about Lea, but he was stubborn and he knew he was right, he didn’t need to wait more time as his attending suggested._
> 
> _Then, she rejected him, she told him that she was needy, selfish that she was a challenge for anyone and that he was… he. He knew he was special, he was autistic, it was always a small fight everything in life, but he was really compromised to change for her, for having her for him._
> 
> _At the end of that day Neil texted him and he did not answer back._
> 
> _He insisted and insisted, Lea was rejecting him more and more, now that he thinks back he was a little too pushy but she told him she loved him so, why then she rejected him and was so mean to him._
> 
> _“Shaun, you’re autistic. You can’t fix that!” He really felt that something broke when she said that, she was his friend and she always appreciated his special behavior._
> 
> _He remembered reading Neil texts asking about his well-being, but he really did not want to talk to anyone, he was lost until the day Claire went to his house and took him to the hospital. He did not want to do anything, a broken heart was hard, Neil was right when he said He should have given himself time._
> 
> _“Shaun, if you don’t go back to the hospital and performed the surgery, don’t come back. I will fire you” Neil next to him told him, he felt even more depressed, Neil was his friend and his boss and he knew he had disappointed both of them, he had to look for a way to cope for it, he would talk to his dear friend, he knew Neil would help him, so, Shaun headed to the hospital to go back to work._
> 
> _The way that girl dealt with her heart broken gave him that horrid idea to destroy the dearest memory of Lea, he was totally assured he would feel better after breaking the car that gave him good memories to both of them. He tried hard, he really wanted to smash that car, he was not strong enough. He ended up crying and hurting her in the most pained way._
> 
> _All his rage went on those words that hit her right on her issues, he remembered saying her that she was unable to keep the precious to her, she was selfish, prejudice and superficial. He also told her, she acted like she cared about him but that was not true, he left her, she was being a mess of tears and pain._
> 
> _He left the building; he was also a mess of tears and he really needed some time. His fingers typed by themselves “Neil, I need you” and he headed walking to his attending apartment. It was not long before a call stopped his trail of steps._
> 
> _“Shaun, where are you?” That voice gave him some reassurance_
> 
> _“I’m walking to your home” Shaun answered wiping his tears._
> 
> _“Where are you? I’m going to pick you up right now”_
> 
> _Shaun sent him his location and soon they were arriving Neil’s apartment. Neil was worried, it was used to see Shaun controlling his feelings and panic attacks were not frequent after all those years together. But Neil has never seen him so hopeless, so broken. Shaun sat in the couch and was offered a glass of water. He did not say anything to the man was in front of him watching with worry in his eyes._
> 
> _“Shaun, Talk to me”_
> 
> _“Lea has rejected me lots of times, she told me she loved me” Shaun started saying some tears welling up his blue eyes “She told me I was autistic and I could not fix that” the look on his attending was darkened and the next moment he felt some arms that carefully were embracing him._
> 
> _Shaun could not bear it anymore and hug him back, he needed someone and Neil was the only one that made him feel safe, he didn’t feel uncomfortable, it was natural, no one has ever made him feel like that. So, he hugged Neil like if he was going to disappear suddenly. “She always acted like she cared about me, but she didn’t even think about me as someone capable to have a romantic relationship with her” Shaun sobbed and tried to hold back another round of tears._
> 
> _“Shaun, you are totally capable of loving” Neil loose the embrace and watched Shaun directly into his eyes “She is probably scared of being hurt or hurt you” then his attending caressed his thumbs on the wet cheeks “She was cruel to you, but you also were too insistent; don’t forget, you are the most precious person someone could ever dream to have, and, this is her lost, you have to know that the person will have you as a partner would be the luckiest one, believe me Shaun” When he exclaimed those words, he gave a little kiss to his forehead, the most beautiful and gentle kiss Shaun has ever felt._
> 
> _“Remember Shaun, you are incredible, intelligent, loyal, adorable and thoughtful; don’t let her insecurities broke the marvelous person you are, you have a gift and never let anyone tell you otherwise” Neil smiled at him and Shaun could not help but smile back, his attending settle on the couch and Shaun snuggled next to him while murmuring a thank you to him._
> 
> _Then Neil turned on the television and they shared those small moments before going to bed, it was clear that Shaun would spend the night at the guest room. After a couple of hours, they broke the comfortable position in the couch to get ready to sleep._
> 
> _“Neil, how do you know you love someone?” Shaun could not help but ask his friend about that, he really did not know what was right or wrong in the romantic aspects._
> 
> _“Well Shaun, some people said love is having someone you want to take care, someone you want to protect, someone that at you sight…” Neil caressed his cheek “…it’s the most beautiful being in this world even with the most special characteristics” Another kiss was felt by Shaun in his forehead “Loving someone is wishing happiness for that person even if that happiness is not with you, good night Shaun” and with those words and ruffling his hair, Neil left him for the night._

Shaun snapped back from his thoughts and touched his forehead, if he had known Neil would be so gentle with him, he would have asked for his help before Lea was cruel to him. Neil’s words still were at his mind, love was taking care of Lea, he wanted to take care for her, he even had told her that he would fix everything for her. So it meant he loved her, love was protecting Lea, he was willing to protect her, also Neil said loving someone was seeing her as a beautiful person even if she was special, he did that too; but, he still does?… Neil told him that was love, so Lea really loved him? She said he was autistic and in other words that was a problem for her, that would not be right, considering what Neil explained, she wanted to protect or take care of him? he did not really know.

It was time to check Neil, if he were awake maybe he would ask for advice once again. He got out the pew and head over Neil’s room, unfortunately his attending was asleep, once again he sat next to him and in the solitude of the room, he talked to Neil holding his hand.

“Hey Neil, I’m so happy to have you back, I was scared, everyone told me you were going to die, and I didn’t want you to leave me, Neil, you know, Lea kissed me, but, the kiss did not feel right, I don’t know what to do, I don’t really know if I love her as I did days ago, she hurt me too much and I hurt her too, is it really right to try something with her?” Shaun exhaled caressing the hand with his thumb “Neil, I don’t think I love her, once, Dr. Glassman told me being autistic is a challenge to show everyone I’m the same that them, what if… what if my love for Lea was a challenge given by myself. Neil you told me loving someone was protecting, taking care and wishing them happiness, but, I want all of that for Lea, but I don’t know if I want to be the person who does that for her, I have to go, take care Neil, I’ll come tomorrow” Shaun gave Neil’s forehead a small kiss and with that he left the room and the hospital by his own.

* * *

He really thought he was going to die, he felt hopeless, life was unfair with him once again, he had just acknowledge Claire as one of his friends, someone he could confide in; he had just found someone that was making him feel things he never really had felt before, and he now was thinking how a lamp could destroy his life in seconds.

Neil was feeling bad, he knew his vitals and his tests weren’t the best and just a miracle would save him, he was not religious anymore, the thoughts of his family made him realized that he had to be more devoted, maybe he would not be in this bed giving his last breaths; he expected some blue eyes in that room, however at the same time he didn’t want to see them, he loved those eyes and sadness was the lest thing he wanted reflected on them.

He was caressing the crucifix when Audrey appeared at the room, she had found an alternative, it was a big combination of medicines and the probability of being cured was a gamble, but he decided to do it, in the worst case he would die and not doing it he would die too, so there was nothing to lose in this gamble.

It was tiring, the medicines were strong, he did not remember half of the things that happened in the small moments of clarity, lots of people were there, he had seen Claire being at his side most of the time, and he knew he had to tell her that his words were meant as friends, he had not seen her after his second dose, probably she was resting.

At the time of his third round, he was still unconscious he felt someone at his side, but he could not detail who they were, a delicate hand was holding his’ and some pressure was felt on top of that, he felt the person crying, his hand was wet, he wanted to comfort them saying that he will be fine but he could not open his eyes or even say something, when he was finally openning his eyes he just found the nurse checking him and his wet hand. He still wondered who at his side had been and, he wondered where Shaun was.

Then a familiar face arrived his room, Lea has not scratches, life was crazy, she had hurt his dearest person and she was pretty healthy, even after some big tanks on top of her and he was hit for a lamp and almost died. Life can be pretty unfair, but he was happy she was safe and sound because at least Shaun would be at peace and that was enough for him.

“Hello Neil, how you doing?” Lea asked him, she had a sad look, and then his heart stopped, maybe something happened to Shaun? That is why he had not seen him? He was rescuing someone, and he didn’t make it?

“Shaun is okay?” A rough voice was pronounced by him, she nodded and relief crossed his body, they did not have a bad relationship with her, but he was cautious of her due to the issue with Shaun, his resident last weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and broken hearts, just some days ago he had him on his arms and he was promising himself to make Shaun happy and now he was on a bed trying to survive the hit of a freaking big lamp.

“He is fine, but, I wanted to talk to you, I don’t want to trouble you, but I know you can give me a piece of advice about Shaun” she exclaimed and he knew he could not give her that advice, not after he wiped the tears she made his Shaun cry.

“When Shaun was trapped in that building, I was scared of losing him and after hearing his feelings from the walkie-talkie, I knew I could not afford losing him, and I told him I loved him and we kissed” Neil listened to her and he felt like his heart stopped he could not believe this was happening, he didn’t want them to be together but as he said Shaun if Lea was his happiness he would not impose to Shaun, he knew she was not his friend happiness, not after those false hopes, not after breaking his heart lots of times.

“Shaun is not being himself; he had not let your side since he got at the hospital after rescuing his patient” Lea continued and a little hope swell his heart “I know he was researching a lot of time looking for a cure for you and he found it” that surprised him, he thought Audrey was the one that had made everything “And when you suffered that stroke he was not aware I was at his side, he had been in this room for hours, he does not answer my calls or messages, I don’t want to trouble you but I want you to talk to him, encourage him to go home and I could talk to him, please” she finished her explanation and I was annoyed I did not want to hand Shaun to her to whatever conversation she expected. He had to fix Shaun, he had to comfort him due to her fault of not giving him clear options since the beginning and now she wanted help.

“I’m not the one to decide for Shaun, I know for a fact that you were pretty rude with him and you should give him time and I don’t really want to talk about the love life of my outstanding resident, he is who he is and you have to be patient to him if you ever expect to be with him in a relationship” With those words he fixed himself on the bed and dozed again to the dream world, he was supposed to be relaxed, to make himself better, not enraged due to a girl that did not really know what she wants.

* * *

Shaun was doing some scut work when he arrived to Vera’s room, he wanted to know how everything has worked to her patient, he sat next to her and she smiled at him, he was looking for the right words to ask her for advice. “Hi Vera. How are you feeling?

“I’m fine Shaun, how are you doing? Everything good with Lea?” She asked with a smirk on her lips, surely, she had seen their kiss.

“I don’t know, the kiss didn’t feel right” Shaun answered confused “I mean, I wanted to ask you something, I was wondering if I really love Lea, you told me my goal was love, not Lea” he sigh looking for the other words to find his answers “Neil told me if I loved someone I would accept everything, but Lea said my autism was a problem, she hurt me and I hurt her and I don’t know if I really want to try once again and get hurt”

“So, you don’t want to try a relationship with her? Answer this Shaun. Are you comfortable with being with her, hugs, kisses, caresses?" Shaun shook his head “What about trust, do you trust her? Would you willingly give her all control? And would you agree with something you disagree just because of her? Once again, he shook his head, he did not know what would happen with Lea doing everything, he could not let that happen. “Why Shaun?”

“I cannot let her do everything, I need to make my decisions, Dr. Glassman asked me if I saw her as a challenge” Shaun answered to her questions getting a new view of everything.

“A challenge? What you mean? If you had two important persons in front of you, you would choose Lea over the other one?”

“I always said I loved Lea, she taught a lot of things and she was when I was having bad times, but she left me too once, and when I confessed to her she said she loved me too but she could not be with me. Do you think… I got obsessed?” as if it was a revelation to Shaun everything fixed inside of him, at the moment she told him she loved him, he thought it was his right to have her at his side, but after all the pain he knew that relationship would not work out.

“Do you, Shaun? And you have someone else important to you? You would let them out for her?”

Shaun then stood up and shook his head, leaving the room, he had the answer of that question, he would not let Neil aside, Neil was too important to him, to not being with him; he… he loved him… he wanted to take care of him, he wanted to protect him, even if he was arrogant he was beautiful and if Neil’s happiness wasn’t with him, he would not make him love Shaun back, he has all the right to love someone else, the thought made his heart hurt but it felt right…

And Lea, she was dear to him, she was his loved… friend, he wanted to take care of her but he was not willing to get to another level in that relationship, he has been selfish and self-centered, he was not like that, he respected people wishes, Neil had told him he was precious, Shaun heart beat faster, that hug, that kiss, his hands, his chest, his dark eyes, his comfort was everything Shaun really needed.

He walked fast to get at Neil’s room, hoping to see him awake, but his timing was the worse, Neil was sleeping soundly, he review his chart and vitals, no one would come in the time being, he wanted to hug Neil, but he would be content with holding his hand.

“Neil, you were right, love is wonderful, everything you said was right, I don’t love Lea, I love someone else… I love you… I love you so much that I can’t help that try to be next to you always, forever…” Shaun could not help it but caress that hand with his thumb and tilted his head to Neil’s, he could not help but kiss his boss, he gave him a small peck on his friend lips, when the P.A. paged him to one of his patients, so with a last peck on his attending head, Shaun left the room.

His excitement was that big that he didn’t realize the fast heartbeat of Neil, neither the blush Neil had on his face and Neil just put his hand on his lips and with his tongue taste the flavor his resident left on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo..... Finally! Shaun just made up his mind..... Let's see what will happen with Lea, and Neil of course..
> 
> See you soon.
> 
> #StayHome


	4. And the person he loved, loved him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! After three months I'm back. I kind of have some hard time working on the paper to get my degree.  
> But the good news is that I got it three weeks ago I have my B.A in International Business! and I just got a job so I was running with all the paperwork for it too. 
> 
> So finally I found some time to continue this story, after this chapter I think I'm going crazy but I hope you get fun of this!
> 
> Btw this chapter is totally the POV of Neil! Have fun!

The first moment he had laid his eyes on his residents, he thought they were marvelous, Dr Kalu and Dr Browne were competent, professional and eager to learn, he had seen lots of residents in his attending career at Saint Bonaventure but they were outstanding. Everything was perfect for him until his third resident came to his team, he had watched him when the child with the glass came to his OR, he thought was a good Samaritan, probably a really skillful med student, he looked pretty young in his eyes, his behavior was something to point but he really didn’t pay attention about him, until he was the new resident in his OR. 

He underestimated, that’s true, he had a lot to learn, and he was a pain in the ass in some words, but he gained his place not only for his undeniable support of the hospital’s president but also because his social weaknesses where nothing compared to his strengths and of course his innovative thinking. He was proud of his development in the almost two years of his residence and he was proud of being the person that helped him to become such a good surgeon.

What he didn’t expected was the downhill of his own love life, Jessica has been for a lot of time his love of life, he had imagined bringing her to the big family party he had been missing for some years. He had imagined having two or three kids in a beautiful house in the suburbs of San Jose, teaching their kids how to swim, giving them everything he had missed when he was little with the beautiful lawyer at his side. But when she said their dreams where on different paths, he had been hurt but he had understood and of course he let time settle his life again as a single surgeon with no time for dating someone.

After some time, he found in his co-worker a small light to have someone at his side, Audrey was so cool that he didn’t realize he had fallen for her, she was so strong, so beautiful, that he had no problem of being with her, spending time as co-workers and doing the best they could that was saving lives. But they could not work out, she was now in that power position and of course she being boss and him being his “subordinate” made the relationship for her difficult, so it was time to back off.  
He had been hurt, he felt ashamed and of course he was angry with Audrey even though he really didn’t show it to the world, but the amusing thing was that time he got out of that long shift and his troublemaker resident was walking alone at night, he had heard about his break up with the pathologist, gossip was one of the more usual things in the hospital and he had not the heart to let his resident walk God knows where after such a long shift. 

Little he had known that it would be the beginning of his hang outs (dates in his head) with the famous Shaun Murphy, first was taking him home, then texting, sometimes he told him about something that happened in his apartment, other times about schedule and people’s using something in the “incorrect” way or how he was not happy because there weren’t green apples at the convenience store.

Neil also reply those texts and the next thing he knew was taking Shaun to the best pancakes place in his neighborhood, then hanging out at the attending apartment, during those moments Shaun was dealing with all of the romantic stuff with Lea, he had wished him the best, he had even helped him with ideas for his confession with the girl, even though he somehow had not felt the best when helping him, he felt a small pressure in his chest when he was giving the ideas watching the blue eyes shine with hope.   
He wished him luck, even though Shaun really did not believe in that, but he never got answer of that, his mind went so wild thinking about Shaun’s body entangled with that girl’s one. Truth to be told he had drunk half bottle of the scotch he had in his fancy cabinet.

He got worried when days passed and there was no sign of his resident, he almost drove to his place but instead he heard Dr. Browne was going to bring him back. Claire as he had been calling her since the beginning of their running friendship has brought him, and he was acting in the worse attitude ever.   
That day had been the first time he realized he had fallen again, this time of his resident, and someone knew about that but probably that someone thought this person was Claire due to the kind of warning he got about privileges to her, but no one expects that the one was Shaun Murphy, when he saw those lovely eyes so dark he had wish nothing but embrace him, kiss those lips and make him forget about that insufferable girl.

But he was nothing but his boss this time, so he had to act like it and make him understand that he was first a doctor and his duty was with his patients even if his personal life wanted to swallow him, of course he had to kind of threatened with firing him to get some sense in that pretty head.

Little he had expected that night text “Neil, I need you”, his heart bumped so fast and he didn’t know how to feel about it, but he was dialing that phone in his way to the parking lot of his home. After he heard a heartbroken voice making his alarms go wild, he had the location and was picking out the mess of tears that was made his beautiful boy.  
Shaun was so hopeless that Neil was so frightened and scared, he offered him a glass of fresh water and waited for him to talk but it seemed was a lost cause so Neil asked him what happened. Shaun told him about, Lea has told him she loved him but that she rejected him every time he stated the facts. He had understood the dread in his resident but when he heard she made the big excuse that he being autistic was a problem he felt hell broke loose in his head, he was so mad that he just wanted to go over her house and accused her for making Shaun cry. But he was needed, he could not help but hug Shaun hoping he would not be against it. 

To say the least, he was ecstatic when the young man hug him back, actually he was clinging to him like a lifeline, so he let Shaun use him as he wished, he continue talking explaining everything to him how she didn’t even think of having something romantic with him. He was mad at it; he would love to have Shaun love him. And of course, he was not going to stay silent and let Shaun think he was nothing.

“Shaun, you are totally capable of loving” Neil loose the embrace and watched into his eyes “She is probably scared of being hurt or hurt you” then he caressed with his thumbs on the wet cheeks of his resident “She was cruel to you, but you also were too insistent; don’t forget, you are the most precious person someone could ever dream to have, and, this is her lost, you have to know that the person will have you as a partner would be the luckiest one, believe me Shaun” he ended giving a little kiss in Shaun’s forehead, trying to share everything he was feeling in that kiss.

He assured Shaun he was perfect in his own way, and that no one could think otherwise and Shaun gave the most beautiful smile he could ever wish and it was only for him, he settle on the couch and his resident snuggle next to him, his heart was so loud that he thought Shaun would hear him but after a time they got settle on the noise of the TV he had turned on. He unfortunately had to break such a comfortable time to prepare for bed but the question he heard let him puzzled.

“Neil, how do you know you love someone?”

And he answered trying to explain the way he felt “Well Shaun, some people said love is having someone you want to take care, someone you want to protect, someone that at you sight…” Neil caressed his cheek “…it’s the most beautiful being in this world even with the most special characteristics” and he could not help but kiss again that forehead “Loving someone is wishing happiness for that person even if that happiness is not with you, good night Shaun” and with those words and ruffling his hair, Neil left him for the night.

Not even in his wildest dreams he thought he would be in love with a resident, and the crazy thing was that thee resident was one he had been so against of having in his team, and he could not think of having him far of his sight. But even the craziest thing had ever happened him was when he heard someone enter his room, he had dozed a lot after the God knows what round of medicine he had been under, and the conversation with Lea made him tasteless, he would love to have Shaun at his side and tell him to stay away of Lea, but right now he didn’t want to talk to someone besides the boy haunting his heart.

“Neil, you were right, love is wonderful, everything you said was right, I don’t love Lea, I love someone else… I love you… I love you so much that I can’t help that try to be next to you always, forever…” He was so shocked hearing the words he had hoped since weeks that he could not move even when he felt Shaun caressing his hand or the touch of lips that followed it, he felt his heart go wild but then he heard the damn P.A. paging Shaun stopping the opportunity to say something as he quickly felt a small peck on his head, and Shaun left the room without noticing that Neil’s face was red or that the hand Shaun has caressed was on his lips and he could not help but taste the flavor of his resident on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already working on the next one so I hope in the next two days there will be another chapter. 
> 
> I'm sorry for the medical inaccurate facts but as you know I'm at business person not a doctor!
> 
> #StayHealthy #StayHome


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